she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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