Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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