"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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