I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
two words...techno handjob
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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