your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
