Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
