she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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