I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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