I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have tasted many bathrooms
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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