haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
