You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
