i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
