So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize