Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
