So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
