Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize