THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
