ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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