So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
