Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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