Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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