hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
