oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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