Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
