Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
