I'm going to jail i love you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
