I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
