my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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