i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
