We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize