I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
