yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
