You just made me feel so damn special
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
