New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All the doctor said was why
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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