I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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