Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize