Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
