When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
