That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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