I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
