I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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