he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
