FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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