Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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