i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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