You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
