dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
