ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
