If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
