Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
