Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
