thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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