just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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