So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
