Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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