Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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