His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
