I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my poor anus
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
