you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
