weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
