apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
