Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
