Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
