It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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