420 ftw
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
