smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
