You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
