Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
