we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
