Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
