Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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