I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
whose parrot is this?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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