You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
